Break the People-Pleasing Habit

Nothing can keep us playing small like the habit of people-pleasing!

Are you a people pleaser? As a people-pleaser, we so desire to be liked, loved, and accepted by others that we are willing to do almost anything.

  • We keep quiet, avoid racking the boat, compromise…
  • We hide our gifts and talents and fail to show up.
  • We avoid trying so we won’t be seen as a “loser” or “failure”

In summary, People pleasing is a trap and it keeps us playing small!

The fear of man brings a snare, – Proverbs 29:25 AMP

Fearing people is a dangerous trap,. – Provers 29:25 NLT

One of the most critical keys to success is to learn to “unhitch” from the opinions of others. The truth is people are fickle! I believe that many who were in the crowd laying their coats on the ground for Jesus and shouting, “Hosanna, blessed be the One who comes in the name of the Lord” (Matt 21) were also in the mob that shouted, “Crucify Him”.

I have learned that to succeed I must not be moved by either praise or criticism. - Brenda Click To Tweet

Here are some tips to get you started.

6 Tips to Kick the People-Pleasing Habit

1. Understand that opinions are just that, opinions!

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” — Marcus Aurelius

A person’s opinion is more a reflection of the movie playing in their head than it is of who you are or what you can do. When we have the awareness that it is just an opinion and not a fact we can respond with grace, “I appreciate your opinion” and not internalize it.

2. Know and be true to yourself.

When I was learning how to dance the friend teaching me said, “I don’t believe you will ever be able to learn how to dance.” I was shocked! Mortified. I replied, “You don’t know me!” and walked out the door. And he didn’t. Today I am a beautiful dancer. 

3. Use opinions to catapult your success

Thoughts and opinions are like a package delivered to your doorstep. You have the choice to accept the package and keep the contents.  You also have the choice to reject it and “return to sender!” Use the opinions of others to inspire you or drive you (like the story above.)

4. Ask will it matter in 5 years?

Most of the things we hear or say will be forgotten.  They will not matter.  Before giving energy and a piece of your life by attaching emotion to an opinion ask yourself if this really matters. Will it matter 5 years from now?  If the answer is no.  Choose to let it go.

5. Choose whose opinion you allow to matter.

There are some people in our life that need to matter especially those we love. However, the above 4 points apply to those we love. We also need to listen to the opinions of those we serve. Listening to the opinions of your clients and prospective clients is one of the best business decisions you can make.  This includes “negative” reviews. I am not talking about “haters”. But if a client takes time to write a negative review there is much to be learned from it.  Even if 99% is in error.  The 1% can propel you to greatness.

6. Laugh!

Being willing to laugh at our self, life, even the things that are meant to harm us is a powerful tool. I love the wisdom in Proverbs.  Imagine how things would change if we could laugh at adversity.

A Final Thought About People-Pleasing

The second half of the scripture in the opening is

but whoever trusts in and puts his confidence in the Lord will be exalted and safe.

Wisdom and success is being able to choose who or what we place our confidence in.  For me, it is definitely NOT in the opinions of others.  Those are just interesting points of view.

Praying YOU prosper in ALL things Brenda

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