“Perfectionism at its core isn’t about high standards. It’s about fear. Fear of failure. Fear of looking stupid, fear of making a mistake, fear of being judged, criticized, and ridiculed. It’s the fear that one simple fact might be true: You’re just not good enough.”
I sat with an attractive successful woman. She was bright, articulate, and talented and had joined a direct sales business with great enthusiasm. But now she was ready to throw in the towel. She concluded she was not good enough.
“I don’t think I can do this business”, she said.
Then she launchd into an all too familiar conversation.
“Sally is able to be successful in this business because she has time.”
This was yet another version of the “why I cant and why others can” story I had heard in a dozen different versions. It goes like this. The dentist says he can’t be successful in the business because he doesn’t have time like the stay at home mom. On the other hand, the stay at home mom says she can’t be successful because she doesn’t have the clients or influence the dentist has.
The comparison & Not Good Enough Trap
The common theme is comparison and underlying belief that we are not good enough
I’ve struggled with dozens of versions of this story. It is these stories of comparison, lack and limitation the keep us from experiencing the goodness of God and our living out our full potential.
7 strategies for eliminating the “I’m Not Good Enough” lie:
1. Avoid comparisons.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. My father once told me, “There will always be someone smarter, richer, etc. and there will always be someone less smart, rich, etc. than use. Comparison is useless. The key is to move forward with what you do well. Delegate or team up with another who has strength in your area of perceived weakness. For example, if you love networking and meeting people but are not so good with follow-up, you can partner with another who excels at admin and other behind-the-scenes work.
2. Look at the meaning you attach.
We can attach a meaning to even the simplest things. Take a glance for example. One person can see it as a sign of interest and another can attach the meanng of judgement. “She looked at me funny. Why does she hate me?”. Recently a guest at my home stared above the fire place where I have a painting hung that I painted. “You have a beautiful home”, She said as she took a long look above my fireplace. Inside I was sure she saw cobwebs would look down at me. On the other hand, maybe she was just admiring the art work. Attaching a meaning that we are less than or lacking is a sure fire bet to keep you stuck. The good news is you can always change a meaning
3. Learn to encourage yourself.
Whatever we focus on expands. It is easy to focus on what we lack or what we did wrong. Instead, take time every night and write down at least one success for the day. No matter how small it seems write it down. Include a fear you overcame like “I picked up the phone and made a sales call”. Write down the steps you took in the direction of your goal. The Zechariah 4:10 says “Do not despise these small beginnings”. What “small” steps did you take? What small miracles did God do?
4. Don’t try to change everything at once.
I have learned it is so easy to get overwhelmed. After all it can seem like everything needs to be done or changed. As an entrepreneur we feel we need to excel in writing, video, podcasting, graphics, etc. Instead, choose one thing to focus on or learn and work on that consistently and incrementally. Do you desire to be a better writer or speaker? Hire a writing or speaking coach, take an online course or join a group. Allocate 1 hour a day to practice and improve. Consistency creates momentum.
5. Focus on progress, not perfection.
This is a BIG one. The truth is, there is no such thing as “perfect”. Keep in mind it’s not about not being good enough. It is about consistent small steps. We don’t achieve the perfect weight overnight if there even is such a thing. We do successfully implement an exercise program one day at a time. Instead of focusing on perfection celebrate progress. I set a goal to walk a mile every day. It doesn’t feel like a lot the first day or even the first week but now that I have over 180 days of walking it is a habit and part of my healthy lifestyle. “inch by inch life is a cinch” and “Rome wasn’t build in a day” are popular quotes that hold a lot of truth.
So the next time you are tempted to compare, and not feel good enough, remember you have greatness in you! the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead lives IN you! Don’t dwell on what others may or may not be doing. Learn from them but your journey is yours. Your audience and your gifts are different. You are beautiful and perfect and I celebrate you <3
Recommended: Prosper By Design Basic Level. Although this course is part of the Prosper By Design Coach Certification and can be foundational for life, health or relationship coaching, it is also ideal for individuals who desire to grow their confidence and self worth. It is biblically based and science backed and is loaded with dozens of 20 minute instructional videos and templates to grow your confidence self worth. The course includes units on journaling, gratitude, affirmations and declarations. It will equip you in areas such as establishing a morning spiritual practice, clarifying goals, and vision. The powerful section on renewing your mind and eliminating lie/fear based thinking is life changing.