Lessons From Love, Creating Rapport 2 of 7

Watching lovers communicate is fascinating.  They never seem to tire of looking into each other’s eyes, rarely run out of conversation material, and typically enjoy physical contact.  In perfect sync, they are lost in their own world.

One factor creating this “sync” or rapport is sensory preference matching or understanding how to communicate in the other person’s preferred sense if their sensory preference is not the same. Our sensory preference is the type of sensory data that our brain processes the quickest and the most intensely.   The five or more senses are typically grouped into three categories: Visual, Auditory and KinestheticAlthough we all use all our senses most of the time, one type usually one registers in the brain more quickly and intensely than the other two.

When in love, however, it appears we use all three of these modalities freely. Couples gaze into each other’s eyes and soak in details of their partner’s features, clothing, etc. (visual), listen attentively to the sound of their partner’s voice, whisper sweet nothings or sing to each other (auditory) and enjoy holding hands, embracing and other forms of touch (kinesthetic).  With time, however, each will naturally drift into primarily using their preferred sensory modality.  If the couple’s sensory preference is the same then each will feel loved and nurtured.  If they differ a sense of discord and lack of nurture will be perceived.  There will often be a sense that their lover has somehow changed.  Being aware of your own sensory preference and that of others as well as developing a conscious ability to understand and “speak” the language of the various sensory preferences is foundational not only to nurturing romantic relationships but it is also pivotal for creating rapport in every type of relationship.

NOTE:  A sensory preference test is included with the BTSA offered at http://brendabyers.com/btsa.  Also, attend one of Brenda’s powerful “Create Instant Rapport” Workshops!  Check out http://brendabyers.com/Events to find one near you.

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